The Gentle Fall Of Rain
by Anrixan
Summary: It was never said that rational decisions had to be made after you watched your lover die... including going undercover in a company that you once swore against. However, wouldn't you do anything to find out the truth of what really happened?
1. Prologue

**January 7, 2007. It's been a while since I've written anything.. and even longer since I've _posted_ anything. However, this is something that I have had an idea for for a very long time, and yes, if you know my other works, it's morbid. Sorry. I like morbid. Quite possibly the most morbid thing I have ever written because of my love for the CloudxTifa relationship. Of course, I needed to ruin it with a death. A character death is a way to find out how other characters are affected... especially if the characters were in love, lovers, or even just friends. ****I've written the epilogue for this one already, and it's been posted in my writing journal for the longest time. (If you don't want spoilers for the ending of this, I wouldn't go searching through my writing journal then) It was perhaps one of the hardest things I've ever written in my entire life, but for that, I am quite proud of it. Rereading it made me realize that I did want to write more of the introduction and storyline of the whole idea, which is why I wrote this. **

**One more thing, I'm not sure how often I am going to be able to update because I am extremely overloaded this semester with 20 credit hours (two different colleges), 2 jobs, and I also want to maintain a healthy social life, so... yeah. This semester is going to be interesting. HOWEVER, I will try to write as much as possible.**

**Now that I've blabbed on and on and on... here it is.**

The Gentle Fall of Rain

Prologue

I could see the rain falling all around me, wetting the ground and the stones at my feet, yet I couldn't feel it. I didn't have an umbrella and I was completely soaked, but it was almost as if I wasn't getting rained on. I wanted to get wet. I wanted to feel something… anything…. Even if that meant the simple wet feeling of rain. I wanted to feel the rain falling on my skin and wetting my clothes and hair, yet I couldn't. It was happening, yet it didn't feel like it was. The whole day was happening and it didn't feel like it was. Everything was a blur, a nightmare that I just couldn't grasp.

Friends we had made over the years were standing around me, everyone in black, mourning in their own ways. I didn't know some of them, but they all tried to give me their sympathy in the best way that they could. I suppose I should've said something back, but I didn't want to. I couldn't even pay attention to the children holding onto their mothers to keep dry, some of them holding small bouquets of flowers to put on the gravestone that was directly in front of my feet. Crying could be heard around me, yet I didn't feel the tears running down my face, for there weren't any. No, no tears. I hadn't cried at all, not wanting to accept what had happened. I had to be dreaming. It was too simple… too fast. There was no possible way that I was standing over the grave of the person I loved most in this world. I was going to wake up. I had to.

I held my rings in my clenched fist, barely being able to feel the bite of the diamond into my flesh and not doing anything about the fact that I was bleeding from it. I felt a hand gently grasp my shoulder and I shook my head, not wanting to be touched or consoled, not even spoken to.

"Tif…" The voice was raspy, just as someone's voice would be after crying. I had never heard Barret's voice sound that way and I wanted him to stop. This all had to stop.

"Don't," I whispered, my voice barely audible at all even though there was a hint of demand buried in there. I lifted my free hand in an attempt to make him stop and just go away, my fingers slowly curling back into a loose fist before I moved my hand so my fingers could carelessly play with my necklace. "Just…"

I wasn't able to say anything else, but I didn't need to because I could see Barret nod his head out of my peripheral vision. It seemed as though he understood it all, but I just couldn't. Without a word, he gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze and then a gentle kiss on the cheek before walking away to talk to some of the guests who came to pay their respects.

I couldn't talk to anyone. All I could do was stare at the engraved name on the gravestone in front of me and convince myself that this was a nightmare. The worst nightmare I had ever had in my entire life.


	2. Routine

**January 7, 2007. Here is technically the first chapter of the fic, which, like it states, happens three months after the prologue. It's hard to write Tifa as this empty shell of a human, but this is my interpretation of how she would deal with things. And now I must go to bed... for I have to wake up for class in 6 hours. **

**1. Routine**

_Three Months Later_

With a small groan, I opened my eyes, smacking my alarm clock absentmindedly with my hand to make it stop that annoying, high pitched buzzing that it did every morning at the same time. I hit it a little too hard, for it skid across my bedside table and fell off the other end. It was the least of my concerns really, so I sat up in my bed and had a quick glance around the closet sized bedroom that I was sleeping in. Definitely much smaller than my bedroom that I had back in Edge, but there wasn't anything I could do about it.

At least I was in my so-called bedroom and not outside Midgar, which was where my nightmare took place. It wasn't the first time I've had the nightmare. In fact, it was a reoccurring nightmare that replayed in my mind at least once a night since the incident occurred. I was just standing there in the rain, staring. Nothing before it, nothing after it, just that dream of emptiness. I hated having it, it was a reminder that my world basically crashed around me in an instant, yet… I still didn't want to admit it all to myself. I knew what would happen then; nonstop pain and suffering, maybe even guilt. It wasn't my fault, but I didn't want to see myself deteriorate just yet. I had things to do.

Such as work.

Not at my bar though. Bartending was perhaps the only job I had ever had for myself since I was 17 years old, but I just couldn't do it anymore. My heart wasn't in it. Or maybe it was the memories linked to it… I couldn't even be sure. It didn't matter what the reason was, I just knew that I had to get out of 7th Heaven, out of Edge. Start a new life for myself to keep myself busy. As long as I kept myself busy, I wouldn't be able to think about much besides work.

Working wasn't for the money for that was never an issue. We had both been responsible and smart with the savings that we had earned from both of our respective businesses, so I sold 7th Heaven at a much cheaper price than it was worth and bought myself a small apartment outside of Junon and fixed it up a little. It was still rather bare, but I didn't want to get completely settled in. I knew it would never feel like home. Nothing would anymore.

I managed to get a job exactly where I wanted to; Shinra Electric Company as a Turk. The President and head of the Turks thought it was rather odd of myself to want to join the one organization that I had always been a little weary of, but it wasn't like I wanted to be there. I just needed to be there. It was the only way I could get an inside look on what was going on in Shinra Electric Company without looking as though I was searching for answers. Maybe I never would find the answers. Maybe I was going down the wrong path altogether.

But I knew I had to try.

A long sigh escaped my lips as I rubbed my eyes and bent over to grab my alarm clock to make sure that it was still in one piece from where it fell. One of the corners looked a little bent, but it was still ticking so I figured that it would last for a little while longer. It was a cheap clock anyway. Walking to my closet, I grabbed my uniform and continued to the bathroom, which was practically right outside of my bedroom. The apartment pretty much could've fit in the bar area of 7th Heaven, but it was all I needed. With the demands of my Turk responsibilities, I was rarely there.

I turned on the water for the shower and stripped out of my pajamas, frowning slightly at how they were a little damp. I was sweating over that dream again, probably from tossing and turning like usual. A good nights' sleep was something that I hadn't had in months… I was almost starting to forget what it was like. In fact, I was forgetting what a lot of things were like.

I knew that I had lost touch with a lot of the older aspects of my life, but I needed to. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't know who I was anymore. I saw myself in that Turk uniform and I just had to question every single thought and value that I held for myself since the fall of Nibelheim. Shinra, Sephiroth, SOLDIER… I hated them all. They destroyed my home, destroyed the rest of my family, my friends… my best friend. At the age of 26, I felt as though I had nothing left in life. I was going through the motions and trying to keep my sanity.

It was a lot harder than I thought it would be.

Tossing the garments and the thoughts off to the side, I stepped inside the water and quickly took my shower. I didn't want to waste too much time, otherwise I would get to Shinra Headquarters around the same time that everyone else did, and I didn't like the contact like that. I usually was there an hour or two earlier than everyone else so I could get things done and not be bothered or interrupted, and surprisingly enough, everyone respected my privacy for the most part.

Perhaps it was because they realized I wasn't same person that I was when I ran my bar and they would come after a hard day at work to loosen up. I would talk and joke around with them, even laugh at their drunken antics. Rod and Reno having drinking contests and trying to hit on women always used to cheer me up, especially when they were bluntly turned down and occasionally laughed at, but now I don't think I could've cracked a smile. Smiling was a rare occasion now. My reason for smiling as gone and buried.

The walk to Headquarters wasn't very long, ten minutes at the most when taking my time, and it always felt the same. Same sunrise, same morning fog between the buildings, same trucks making their deliveries to the same businesses. It was like that when I walked into the headquarters as well; using my key and going up the back staircase, passing the same security guards, drinking the same brand of coffee and using the same amount of cream and sugar, then making my way toward my office. It was as if the same morning simply repeated itself over and over and I was stuck in the never ending circle. I just had to keep telling myself that it's what I wanted… what I needed.

After grabbing a cup of coffee from the break room, I walked into the tiny room that was called my office, but looked no bigger than a prison cell. More often than not, it certainly felt like one with no windows or decorations anywhere, and just the simple desk and chair that was against one wall. Not to mention that I felt trapped in that small room, much like a caged animal. I just prayed that I wasn't going to snap and lose my sanity while in there. Perhaps all it needed was a few pictures on the wall or knick knacks on my desk… or _something_ to make it feel a little more homey, but I wasn't planning on staying in that office for very long. If all went according to plan, anyway.

Shutting the door so I would hopefully go through the whole day without interruptions, I put my keys and cell phone in the top drawer and sat down in the seat. It was a very uncomfortable chair, but in the small amount of time that I had been with the Turks, my backside had spent a great deal of bonding time with that piece of furniture. Nothing I could really do about it for I didn't feel like complaining to Tseng or the President, so I dealt with it silently. Meaning, cursing under my breath whenever it decided to act up on me, which happened to be quite frequently.

Unfortunately, I had to get to work early to finish paperwork that I left the previous night, so I pulled it out and began filling everything in. Although I often heard the Turks complain about how much paperwork they had to do, I always just assumed that they were exaggerating a little bit since the dramatic flair was a quality of a Turk. Not to mention that they were usually at 7th Heaven at the time and had a few drinks in them. Once I had my first assignment, I realized that they were telling the truth. I never dreamed of how organized and thorough Shinra Electric Company truly was, and I was now only in a small part of the corporation. One of the most elite parts to be exact, yet it didn't feel all that special to me. It was just a way to find out a few bits of information.

Just as I grabbed a pen and started on my paperwork, there was a soft knock at my door. I frowned as I looked at my watch. Seeing that it was only 6am, someone must've seen me sneak in. Clearly, Turks didn't have lives. Not like my life was the most exciting thing on the planet, but they practically lived in their offices all day and half of the night, drinking more coffee than the human body should be able to handle in order to function. Lowering my pen, I glanced at the coffee mug on my desk and started to wonder if I was going to turn out the same way.

"Come in," I said with a sigh, turning my head to see the door handle jiggle and Rod poke his head in. His hair and uniform were quite disheveled, causing me to come to the conclusion that he had been there all night. "Oh, look at what the cat dragged in."

"Did ya drink the last of the coffee, Lockheart?" There wasn't a change in my expression, but I was quite annoyed. I still hated the sound of my maiden name, but it was my decision to take the ring off and revert back to 'Tifa Lockheart.' I still had the ring, but the name that went along with it I didn't want to hear.

I cocked my head to the side. "Good morning to you, too." Rolling my eyes, I swiveled in my chair, crossing my legs on the way. "For your information, no, I did not drink the last of the coffee. There was still some in there when I left the break room, so I don't think you need to go around announcing a coffee shortage anytime soon."

"Damn, I thought it was you. Now I have to find out who else drank the rest and didn't start up a new pot." Again I shot him a look. "What?"

"Nothing." It wasn't worth getting into, so I waved a dismissive hand his way and spun back around to work on the papers. "I'm not trying to doubt your detective skills, but instead of wasting time and energy, why don't you just make a new pot? It's not that hard, I'm sure even you could handle it."

"That takes the fun out of blaming everyone else." Instead of leaving, he walked into my office and looked over my shoulder, causing me to sigh. "I guess you're here for the same reason I am. Paperwork has been piling up like crazy, I swear. I think I have to blame it on how the boss has been riding me lately."

I internally cringed at the literal meaning of that, but somehow managed to stay stoic as I picked up my pen again. "I bet."

"Hmm?"

With a slow exhale, I tilted my head up so I could look at him. "Look, Rod, as much as I'd like to chat, I have work to do." He chuckled and right before he was about to ruffle my hair, I grabbed his wrist in midair. Not changing my facial expression, I continued. "So, I would be _eternally_ grateful if you would use the door, shutting it after you remove yourself from my office, before I have to do the removing. 'Kay? Thanks a bunch."

I saw him grimace at the grip I had on him, but I let him free after my threat sunk in. I wouldn't really hurt him unless I had to, but it was the threat that lingered that was important. "Yeesh, Lockheart. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." I didn't answer him. "All right, I'll go blame Sam for the coffee then." He started to walk out of the door, but before he shut it, he turned on his heel. "Oh, by the way…"

"There's a meeting at 10:30, thank you, I know," I interrupted, knowing that was what he was going to tell me. It seemed whenever there was a meeting, I had everyone reminding me about it, as though my memory was less than par or something. It was insulting and degrading to my ego, but I shrugged it off.

He blinked blankly for a second and then nodded. "R…Right, there's that, but I was also going to tell you that the prez was looking for you when he walked in this morning."

I scoffed and said, "And he didn't think to come to my office?" Grabbing my coffee mug, I blew a stream of air above the contents and took a sip before adding, "It's so good to know that the president of Midgar is full of logic and thinks about these things. But hey, who am I to judge? If I had minions like he does, I'd have everyone to my dirty work too."

"Uhh…"

It was clear Rod wasn't sure how to reply to my sarcasm, so I gave him a pat on the arm. "Okay, since you're apparently his minion of the morning, you can let him know that I will meet up with him at…" My eyes flicked to the clock. "Oooh, let's say nine. So that's three hours from now. If he has a problem with that, he can send another messenger."

He shook his head and sighed, following up with a shrug of his shoulders. "Whatever you say, Lockheart. See ya at the meeting at 10:30."

I flicked my wrist as a goodbye wave and leaned back over my paperwork when the door finally shut. Three more hours of time to actually do productive things before I had to deal with the president. It was a start to yet another fantastic day.


End file.
